And Then There Was One…

Buying a new car is supposed to be a FUN experience.  I can’t begin to tell you how nerve-wracking it has been for me.  I am 63 years old now, and have never purchased a car by myself.  Always had a husband or an uncle helping out.  A couple years ago, I refinanced my home so the mortgage payment would be cut in half…knowing I would someday have to purchase a car somewhere along the way. As any of you who have read my book or attended a workshop know, there was no life insurance when my husband died suddenly. Committing to 60 months of car payments proved to be too much for me.  I couldn’t do it…couldn’t sign the last of the paperwork (the contract).  I am writing this to let you know that this is yet another thing to put on your list to not do alone. I know if one of my children or a good friend had been with me for moral support, I would be in possession of a new car right now. A beautiful opal sage CRV.  So much anxiety.  The upside to this…I was dealing with Earnhardt Honda. If any of you need an upstanding company to purchase a car from, contact Kevin Warner and his co-worker Cameron. They found me the exact vehicle I wanted, put up with dozens of e-mails over several weeks, and then when I couldn’t sign the last of the papers, no one was angry. I was treated with amazing kindness and respect, and for this reason, when I am ready to purchase a car, this will where I will go. Happy car shopping.  Bring a friend.

Hi all:

There is a free pdf download offered by the American Bar Association entitled:  Legal Guide for the Seriously Ill.  To get it, do a Yahoo search for:  Legal Guide for the Seriously Ill, and the pdf download will pop up.  When I did it, it was top of the list.  If you have ANY problems getting this, please email me at Charlotte.fox@therewasone.com . This is a 51 page booklet that is full of necessary information.

the workshop schedule will now be posted on the blog

Feb 1, 2012), 10:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. Surprise, Arizona. To register, go to http://grandinfo.com/ If you open that, you’ll see listings in brown on the left-hand side.  Under Services/Other, Lifelong Learning Academy is listed, and the  registration form is found there.  Click on Lifelong Learning Academy, and another window will open.  Choose Registration.  If you have any problems registering, please email me at:  Charlotte.fox@therewasone.com

February 29th and March 1st, 2012, 3:30 to 5:00 p.m. both days.  OLLI, Green Valley, Arizona, being held at Casa de Esperenza, 780 S. Park Centre Avenue

March 5th, 2012, Phoenix Area…more information to follow

March 6th, 2012, 1:00 to 3:30 pm, Red Mountain Active Adult Center, New Frontiers Lifelong Learning group,

April 5th 2012… RISE, 12535 Smokey Drive, Surprise, AZ 85378 Contact Brenda Friedman to register.  480.377.4262

April 12, 2012 Prescott OLLI, Yavapai College, 10 am to 3:pm.  call 928.717.7634 to register.

Another website if you are saddled with a time share you no longer use, is:

donateforacause.org

877.822.2873

My dear readers.  For those of you who bought a book prior to May 09, please send me an email, and, if you wish i could give you (through attachments) the new Powers of Atrorneys.  The POA’s are in Section Six of your workbook. The health care POA now has a Mental Health Authority on it, and they now both carry the HIPAA act clause.

Oh, those time shares that were so fun when your loved one was alive, and are now just a burden.  Visit the website tug2.net .  They can help you.

A workshop attendee asked a question about a Do Not Resuscitate form. The following contributing information is from Adam, Hospice Nurse, Phoenix, Arizona.

Now - as for the answer to that question.  I think she was talking about “What are the limitations of treatment if a person has a DNR (do not resuscitate) provision/wish in their advanced directives often found in living wills.”  That’s actually a good question and I thought we touched on that a little bit during the conference, but probably not enough.  Too many people get confused about DNR’s.  At face value, it means that if a person is found to be unresponsive and not breathing/without a pulse - that they do not want heroic measures used to bring them back to life.  Usually this encompasses defibrillator shocking of the heart, CPR, the use of medications to “jump start” the heart, and/or placing the person on a ventilator to keep them breathing.  What often confuses people however is that a DNR/”do not resuscitate” does NOT mean “do not treat”!  By no means should the DNR be interpreted to mean that if a person has an infection or serious illness that they shouldn’t receive proper medical care.  The DNR is only meant to cover should the person stop breathing and/or have no pulse.  **However, many people have special provisions in their advanced directives/living wills that spell out SPECIFICALLY what treatment they would like to receive or not receive should they become ill and it’s THOSE wishes regarding treatment that cover the important things that if NOT instituted would normally LEAD to a person’s breathing and heart stopping.  Often these special provisions cover artificial feedings -either via IV or feeding tubes, receiving antibiotic treatments for infection, and even whether or not someone wants to be hospitalized should they become ill.  The trend today in society is to cover your bases as much as possible so your loved ones are not left scratching their proverbial heads and wondering what they THINK you would want done if you were not able to make healthcare decisions for yourself at that moment.  For example - in my own living will I’ve written in my own special provision directing my Medical Power of Attorney (MPOA,) that should a day come where I can not feed myself AND I do not present as “enjoying” food anymore, that I want any/all assisted feedings to stop.  I made this decision based on many years of visiting group homes and nursing homes and witnessing people who were unable to talk/communicate being led to tables, sat down, and hand-fed pureed “goop” by nursing staff.  There often was no joy in those folk’s eyes and their quality of life had definitely diminished drastically.  I decided that I don’t want to be one of those poor souls.  That kind of a decision is a “quality of life versus quantity of life” dilemma.  I share this personal example just because it shows that there is NO end to what special provisions you can put into your advanced directives.  A DNR is a great place to start if that’s the decision you’ve made when it comes to foregoing heroic measures to save your life either in a traumatic instance (this applies to much older people normally,) or anyone with a terminal illness that realizes what the inevitable outcome will be down the road and wants to make sure no heroic measures are taken.  But DNR does not on it’s own mean “do not treat” those things that if left untreated could lead up to a persons potential demise…so make sure you spell out any/all provisions related to other types of medical treatment in your advanced directives/living will.  And NO adult is too young to start making these provisions known.  You can update/amend your advance directives any time you choose - so don’t be afraid that once you make a decision that it’s set in stone.  Your healthcare decisions are just that…yours!

An EMT specialist at a recent workshop suggested we put our Primary Care Physician’s phone number in our cell phone.  Quite a while back I learned of including I.C.E. ( In Case of Emergency ) in the cell phone, but we’re being advised now to also include our doctor’s name and phone number.

It was recently brought to my attention by elder law attorney, Eliza Daley Read, that some hospitals (for a nominal fee) will keep your end-of-life documents on file.  Worth looking into if the hospital in your area will do this.

A new friend that I met at a recent workshop had a wonderful idea.  “To ensure harmonic, loving relationships with recipients of your possessions upon your death, one suggestion is:  I went through the entire home and listed every item that means anything to me, and the significance.  I then put that in e-mail form to my three adult children and told them to list the non-negotiable items by highlighting and list the ones they would be interested in receiving.  The e-mail went back and foth three times, with me watching the negotiation, and also feeling sad and very relieved knowing the items would be wanted and loved as i have loved them.  It has also been suggested that you take digital photos of items and put the disc in the safe deposit box for when the death occurs, but also for fire and theft to insure the goods are put in the right pair of hands and homes.  I then  had them sign a letter saying they had agreed and it is in my copy of my will.”  I feel this will eliminate the potential for alot of quarreling had you decided for them what they will get.   Sweet, simple, and considerate.  GREAT IDEA.  Thank you for your contribution